Best Reasons to NOT Have Sex
by Gloria Liven

You may not agree with all the opinions expressed, but at least give them some thought. It's unfortunately difficult to find a list of reasons to not have sex outside of strongly religious websites; I hope to provide a list based on reason, not religion. Most of the opinions are backed up by research and observations of couples.

He/She Is Pressuring You
If your partner is not respectful of your wishes, then they don't love you. Someone who loves you will say, "It's OK if we wait, I want to make sure we're both ready"; If they ever try to pressure, guilt, or beg you for it, then you're stupid for doing anything other than dumping them. If they loved you, they'd wait; but if sex is more important than a relationship, they'll pressure you. On the other hand-- if your partner doesn't want to but you do-- then you need to decide what's more important to you.

Sex does not equal love. In fact, it's quite easy to have sex without love; but it's a little tougher to have love without sex... and very tough to have lust and no sex-- so abstaining is a good test of how strong or genuine the relationship is.

You're A Teenager
Most teenagers who have sex regret it later in life. When you're young it may seem hard to wait, but in reality it isn't, and you will be glad you did. If you're too young to support a family and unmarried, then you probably shouldn't be having sex. Remember that no form of contraceptive is 100%, so you should at least be able to support a child before having sex. Most teenagers simply aren't able to do that. Regardless of whether you are having sex now or waiting, you should be educated on birth control methods, and STD prevention, know common myths , and also have discussed in-depth with your partner what you will both do should pregnancy occur.

And don't have sex just because "everyone else is doing it" or tv depicts it as normal-- not only is that not true (more than half of 17-year-olds are virgins, despite what popular culture may say), it's also a lousy and immature reason to have sex (cliche, but if everyone else was jumping off a cliff, would you too?).

No matter how mature you think you are, the truth is you aren't done growing and maturing. And being in love makes the brain literally illogical and crazy! The real mature teens are the ones who educate themselves about sex and make a smart choice to wait. Studies have shown that teens who have sex tend to regret it later, have more abortions later in life, do worse in school, have higher chance of ending up in poverty, have more STDs, and higher rates of depression.

It's a new relationship
In the first six months to year of a new relationship, the brain is literally crazy. Constantly thinking of your lover, eating less, daydreaming of them, looking forward to your next meeting... these are all signs you're in the early "crazy" phase of a relationship.
Having sex during this heated time may leave you with a situation you'll later regret. When things cool off, you'll have a much better idea of where the relationship is going and if you want to stay with that person. Your clearer head can let you make a better decision about whether you want to have sex or not.

You don't want children now
The only 100% effective method of birth control is to simply not have sex. If you're really not ready for pregnancy, then it may be best to wait. If you cannot support a child and have not discussed with your partner what you will both do if you get pregnant, then your relationship is definitely not mature enough to be handling sex. If you're able to deal with the consequences of pregnancy and you're prepared, then go for it.

Sex leads to increased attachment
That can be a great thing in a long-term, monogamous relationship, such as a marriage. But it can also be bad. Physical contact-- such as touching and hugging-- releases oxytocin, a chemical that makes you feel warm and fuzzy and helps couples bond. Having sex and orgasm releases even higher levels of this chemical. If you start having sex too soon, then these chemicals may literally influence how you feel about your partner. That can be a bad thing if it's someone you don't truly love or aren't compatible with, but are just having sex with. When you aren't having sex, the feelings of attachment will fade if you're not compatible. So having sex and being physical may drag out a bad relationship that otherwise might have ended earlier.

You want them to love you
Sex is not love, and love is not sex. Research has shown there are real differences between loving someone and just lusting for them. So having sex will not make the other person love you, want to stay with you, or even care about you at all. Sex should come after love, not before it. Many women are hurt when they try to have sex as a way to improve a relationship and it fails; don't let yourself get hurt by thinking sex will somehow change a bad relationship.

Sex is better within marriage
When you know you have a stable marriage, sex can be much better. Marriage has other benefits, too. Sex is much more mental than physical, and if you are worried that others will judge you, that your partner won't be there long-term, or that you might get pregnant or an STD, it's much harder to enjoy having sex.

Sex with commitment is much more intimate and fun. Knowing that if a kid does pop out from the act that you have the love and support of your partner, as well as the stability of a marriage, makes the worry much less; and sex is very much an intimate thing, better done in a stable, loving relationship.

Religious Beliefs
I said I was providing a list based on reason, but if you happen to be of a faith that discourages sex outside of marriage, this is a real issue you will face and something you must think about reasonably. If you believe you should wait for sex, but have sex to please your partner, then you may experience feelings of guilt. You need to make sure you have your thoughts and beliefs sorted out before you have sex, not after. You do not want to have sex, then have your partner tell other people and your friends and family make drama or stress over the situation (I mention this because I know people this has happened to). Sex should always be your personal decision, not anyone else's; but if you know it might cause you guilt or other problems, it might be better to wait.

Sex isn't all bad, in fact it has many health benefits, too!

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