Steps of Intimacy
by Gloria Liven
Did you know that becoming intimate with someone tends to follow a natural
pattern? Knowing this can help you understand and control how your intimacy
Desmond Morris, a
behavioral scientist, studied many couples and found those that lasted
the longest followed similar intimacy patterns, progressing through what
he defined as 12 steps. His theory was that proceeding through these steps
without being rushed gave a couple time to bond
in their relationship. Couples that skipped or rushed steps-- for
example, going straight to sex-- were more likely to break up or divorce.
Women especially resent
being rushed through the steps. Taking your time to build trust and a
bond along with intimacy will help your relationship create a lasting
This happens every day and is pretty insignificant. You
simply look at the other person.
You make eye contact-- maybe you are flirting. It's the first real step
You talk to the other person. This can be very important in getting
to know someone.
You start holding hands-- the relationship has now become more than
Allowing yourself to be this close physically is the beginning of closer
Your comfort level is beginning to grow.
You now feel comfortable with kissing the other person.
This is a sign of trust; your head is very vulnerable and we do not
like just anyone touching our heads or faces.
"Roaming hands"... this is the beginning of foreplay and "making
You're comfortable with using your mouth to explore the
other person's body, and vice versa.
quite sex-- many young couples that aren't ready for sex find this a
final stage-- it doesn't get more intimate.
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